glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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