I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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