it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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