I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
