I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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