once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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