If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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