Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
