Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
