you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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