Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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