Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Everyone says I win the strip club
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
