i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
