the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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