I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
