More tranny stories later!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
