OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
