he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
