Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
