I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize