Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
