I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
