this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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