just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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