My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I understand Curling. That high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
