Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize