There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
