A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
