woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
