Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
