Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize