VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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