So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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