your parents love me but you hate me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize