By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
