gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Rumble strips road head = magical
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
