I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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