the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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