Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
