and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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