Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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