The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
