Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
