I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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