The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize