I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
