So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
