You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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