Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize