Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
