Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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