you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
