How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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