when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
