he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
