She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
