God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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