I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize