Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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