mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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