I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
