The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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