Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
