I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
