Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
