cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
